I am Ballboy. My real name is unimportant. My mission is to help TRON change the physicality of this planet, one person at a time. I call myself his "wingman". He just calls me Ballboy. This is my diary...




January 1, 2009 – A new year. Last night I finally collected the resolutions from all of TRON'S trainees in the Southern CA region. It took me over 22 hours, but I got it done. TRON is giving me my list of resolutions later today. I'm excited to see what I want to achieve this year.


January 3, 2009 – I have a lot of resolutions to get done in 2009. First, TRON says I need to be more resolutionary. I'm working on figuring out what that means without alerting him. In other news, I had to get my big toenail removed this morning. TRON did it with pliers. It got smashed on the playground where I was doing donkey kicks yesterday.


January 11, 2009 - TRON and I just finished herding mutton at the Better Beef & Lamb Ranch in San Antonio. TRON says we're doing important work since mutton is the food that soldiers ate during the olden days.


February 6, 2009 – TRON woke me up every hour, at 8 minutes past the hour, through the entire night. He says it is important to not become lazy when I sleep. Sometimes I don't know why I'm here.


February 18, 2009 - Today TRON let me wash his van. Then we bar-be-qued an entire cybergenetically created pig. It was delicious.


February 26, 2009 - I woke up in the woods. It was chilly. I'm testing new outerwear for TRON'S "Not Sissy" adventure gear. I've been drinking Diesel Sauce to try and stay warm, but the cans have partially frozen and all it's doing is making me feel antsy and nervous. Strong too, though. I feel strong. Buy TRON'S Diesel Sauce, is what I mean.


March 1, 2009 - TRON asked me to spot him today. He's training for an all-dairy eating competition. He asked me to make sure his hair doesn't get soiled while he practices chugging egg nog. I nailed it.


March 2, 2009 – Today I'm scrubbing the floor, walls and ceiling of the Dojo. TRON is launching his VLOG tomorrow morning and is very focused on having the Dojo spotless. The lesson is that there are many ways to train.


March 5, 2009 - Friday. My friend Doug is in town. TRON doesn't like him, says he's naturally lazy and has bad hair. I can't disagree, but I like Doug anyway.


March 7, 2009 - My friend Doug came to the Dojo last night. TRON asked him a couple questions and I guess he didn't like the answers, because he shoved Doug into a crate and then hoisted it up and down for 10 minutes while yelling "Wrong! The answer is zero!" I don't know if I'll ever see Doug again. TRON says it's for the best.


March 9, 2009 - Have you ever seen Young Guns? I just found this delightful movie. I like pretending that I'm Emilio Estevez, playing the part of Billy the Kid. Sometimes I even pretend that Billy the Kid is playing the part of Wild Bill in a town play. But that gets confusing.


March 10, 2009 – This morning I watched the news. I really like that Jillian Barbarie.


March 11, 2009 – I wonder what Jillian Barbarie is like in person.


March 12, 2009 – TRON doesn’t want me watching so much (or any) television. He said Jillian Barbarie is bad for my focus and he gave me a book about the great beards throughout time. I miss Jillian.


March 14, 2009 – Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a dragon’s wings and a minotaur’s endurance? TRON has.


March 15, 2009 – Today TRON showed me how to cross the T’s and dot the I’s. Apparently I wasn’t doing that enough, especially with his laundry. Still not sure what it means, but I think it has something to do with wrinkles.


March 17, 2009 – TRON broke 7 tennis racquets today showing me his new serve. We were asked to leave the store.


March 19, 2009 – I met a girl today at the Laundromat. Her name is Kelly. She smelled nice.


March 20, 2009 – I went back to the Laundromat. Kelly wasn’t there. I stayed for over 5 hours, but she never showed up. We didn’t really make plans to meet or anything, but I thought a girl that clean might wash her clothes every day.


March 22, 2009 – I prayed in the Dojo last night that Kelly will wait for me. TRON was out at a training session. He doesn’t like me to go in the Dojo unsupervised. He says it’s dangerous and I could get hurt. Right now only my heart hurts. And my private part too.


March 23, 2009 – It’s a new week. Something great is going to happen this week, I can feel it. I’m collecting my dirty clothes as quickly as possible. TRON has a busy schedule for me this week but I’m carving out some quiet time to think good thoughts about you know who. (Kelly is who I mean)

March 25, 2009 – I’m starting to develop a weird skin rash. The owner of the Laundromat says I’m using too much detergent. I just want to be clean in case “special friend” shows up at some point. But it’s really starting to itch.


March 26, 2009 – Last night TRON had me fight this Kung Fu guy dressed in a banana suit. I didn’t want to do it, but TRON was very insistent that I teach Mr. Banana why he should never show up at the Dojo without an appointment. I think I really hurt him. I also got banana-pulp all over my white, boys’ size training shirt. At least that gives me an excuse to go back to the Laundromat…